H4ppiness 1n Numb3rs

Lately, I have come to realise that, like age, weight is just a number. People spend too much time worrying about these things. I know. I have been there myself.

I have also come to realise that whilst I was thinking of such things, I was denying my brain (yes, I do have one of those for all you non-believers) the chance to be thinking of better things. Things that instead make me happy. Like for example, thinking of which photograph I should take next. Or what I should blog about. Or which beach I should go to today. Or about which friend I should visit. Happier thoughts makes one a happier person. True story.

So, age and weight are just numbers. Stop worrying yourself about it. Unless either of those are reaching somewhere into the hundreds, in which case, you're probably better off eating a few of these guys above. As well as any of their other vegetable counterparts. It reportedly makes one thinner, and feel younger and alters your brain chemistry, making one a happier person. And happy is what we all want. Its that simple.

Here's to a happier, healthier lifestyle.

Car-ma Chameleon.

If you're anything like me (or most modern day males really), then you will never forget your first car. I'm not necessarily talking about the first vehicle you ever drove, but am referring more to the first car that you ever bought with your own hard earned cash. Because for me at the time, cars costed (in relation to what I was earning at that point) the same as a medium sized island in the Caribbean. And you didn't even want to think of the cost of petrol on top of that! So when I eventually decided to take the plunge and buy a car that would (hopefully) get me from A to B, after selling all my earthly possessions, one of my kidneys and at least 80% of my soul, purchasing the car and registering the vehicle in my name, I really learned to appreciate it.

Of course, there were days when I appreciated it much less. For example when it suddenly died on me during peak traffic at a busy intersection, leaving half the world hooting at me in disgust. Or when the clutch or head gasket blew, and it emptied my bank account out in one fell swoop. Yes, it was times like these that I was wishing it a rather painful death. And an even more painful eternal existence in car hell. But even so, thinking back on it now, it was certainly one of the best pieces of well engineered metal that I ever purchased. Ok, so it was only a Fiesta, but to me it was a Ferrari... well lets just say, a very unique kind of Ferrari that could never exceeded 120km/hour.

In the end, what really mattered was that the car brought me more good times than bad, and made many a memorable occasion possible. Here then, is my tribute to my ex-Ferrari.

Now, if only I could grow another kidney to pay for the next one.

Some days, you're the fisherman. Some days, you're the fish.

The concept of destiny never ceases to amaze me. It boggles my mind to think that somewhere, right now, something is probably being manufactured or grown or produced that is destined to be bought or consumed somehow by me.

Take this poor guy for example. I wonder if, as he was suddenly fishnapped from his home in the turbulent seas, he for one moment thought that he would end up on my plate. Some parts of him to be eaten. Others to be photographed and blogged about. Hmm. I somehow think not. But that's essentially what has happened here. It seems to me that the more you analyse life at its most basic level, the more you study the actual processes that make up our daily lives, the weirder and more bizarre it seems to become.

Maybe it would benefit me to concentrate on these things. To study everything from nanotechnology to quantum physics and everything in between. From microscopic amoebas all the way up to celestial bodies. Maybe then I would understand how I can talk to someone on the other side of the world, using a cellular device. Maybe I could figure out how human instinct and intuition works. Or how a microwave can heat my meal in seconds. Perhaps I'll even solve the dilemma of why dropped toast always lands buttered side down. Maybe it is somehow linked to cats always landing on their feet. Who knows.

What scares me most is, how we really just live our lives and accept all of this.

Question everything. Learn eternally.

Hi, my name is...

Picture the scene. A dimly lit room containing about a dozen people, all sitting in a circle on dirty, plastic chairs. Some shuffle nervously. Others are sipping their cheap, lukewarm coffee. It tastes bad, but it’s always free at gatherings like this. Suddenly, the person in charge speaks up.

“Right, who would like to start tonight? Any newcomers?”

No one ever wants to start. Everyone shifts their gaze. Some stare at the floor. Others, behind them as if they were called. I decide, it’s now or never. I stand up. I speak.

“Hi, my name is Warren and I’m a failed blogger”

“Hi Warren” everyone resonates simultaneously.

“It’s been almost eight months since my last posting.”

A few reel in shock at this statement. Others, the ones that are worse off than I, consider me but a novice. I can see it in their eyes. It takes me a while to recompose myself. Then I continue.

“I… I don’t know what happened. Initially, I thought I would blog every day. At first I did. It was daily. Then the days turned into weeks. The weeks into months. Now, I hardly know how to type anymore.”

At this point, I have nothing further to say. I sit back down in my seat, fearful that continuing any further would just make me seem all the more pathetic.

The person in charge speaks again. This time, to me directly.

“The damage you have done to yourself is great, but not irreversible my son. You have taken the first step by admitting your faults and by attending this meeting. Your cry for assistance will not go unheard. Here, take this as a constant reminder of your past, but also as motivation for your future.”

He hands me a silver token. On the front, a creature somewhat resembling a squirrel is engraved, sporting a large thumbs up with the word “Hope” underneath. I flip the coin over. On the reverse is written three words: “Lorem Ipsum Dumbass.” Latin was never my strong point, but even I could tell that this was clearly indicative of my faulty past. Motivation and reminder. All in one convenient package. I put the coin in my shirt pocket close to my heart. This time, I will not fail.